My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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