Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
