u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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