my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I enjoy the company of your penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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