Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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