420 ftw
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
