her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
