just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
