Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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