so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
