YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
