Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
