I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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