i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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