you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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