it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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