True but thats because hes a fetus.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
