i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm both gender and math confused
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
