Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
