there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
