You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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