Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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