No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
