At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
