I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
