I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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