I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
