I think my fart just growled at me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
