I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
