mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
