i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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