Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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