yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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