So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
