She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize