sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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