On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You made out with two different species that night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
