Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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