i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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