my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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