I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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