Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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