just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize