you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize