You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
