She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
