Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
