the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize