shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i drank out of a bidet.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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