It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
