As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why do cheetos always look like penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize