A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
