I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
