Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
