operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
