...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
