I am spending my child support on dildos
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
