I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
