There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize