She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
