so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
