At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
