I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
