I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
