They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
