My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
