We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
