Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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