go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
