I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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