just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
