I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize