so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
