Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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