Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
