In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
