could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How external is "for external use only"?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
