afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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