If i come over, it means nothing
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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