my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
