im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
