12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mom said you looked used
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
