You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
