I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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