no, he came in my armpit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so let's talk penis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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