my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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