There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
