We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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