I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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