Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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