so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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