Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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