I cockslap morals
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
