imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
