You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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