I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
