there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she pinky promised me she was 18
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
