I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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