I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
