Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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