I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
