I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
