we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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