It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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