I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
