Your tits are I can't wait for
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
