I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am spending my child support on dildos
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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