three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize