I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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