ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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