just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
