the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
